Arthritis Wisdom

Inspired tips and information elevating autoimmune living

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Not Every Relationship Survives RA

Friendships are valuable and do not always survive the RA diagnosis

Friendship is priceless, but doesn’t always survive the RA diagnosis

Not Every Relationship Survives RA

 

How many of us have learned the hard truth that not every relationship survives RA ?   Every so often a person I’ve shared significant time with comes to mind and I realize they have left my life.  I haven’t had contact with them in so long that I know the (friend)ship has sailed.

How does this happen? 

Well, this often happens when a lifetime event occurs.  A move, one gets married or becomes a parent.   Perhaps a change in job or an illness, particularly if it is a chronic one, are lifetime events that come to mind.  Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is the one that has rocked my world.

Some lifetime events replace an old facet of life with a new one.  Get a new job and you have new colleagues and officemates.  Get a spouse and you have a whole new other side of the family.  These events are by choice and are usually surrounded with anticipation and excitement.

But a chronic illness like RA is not a choice and is not surrounded with anticipation and excitement.  More like anxiety and depression.   It replaces health with pain, fatigue and stiff, swollen joints.

In so many ways, this situation couldn’t come at a worse time.  Right when you could use a little sunshine to the soul, which a friendship brings, the friend isn’t anywhere to be found to brighten your day.  It makes sense.  Relationships take nurturing, a give and take if you will, to survive and thrive.  Pain and fatigue can interfere with any nurturing.

Why does this happen?

Autoimmune diseases often take time to diagnose because the symptoms mimic so many other conditions.  During this period of time a relationship often becomes more one-sided.  When you are in pain, fatigued and full of anxiety, wondering what is going on with your health, phone calls aren’t answered, let alone returned, plans can’t reliably be made because you don’t know how you will feel, and then there is the energy issue.  It is easy to put off until “next week” what normally would be done today to nurture a relationship, hoping you will feel better by then.  The weeks turn into months that turn into years.

By the time a diagnosis is made and an effective treatment found, many relationships that mean a lot to you and you want to maintain are lost.  By then  some friends have moved away or perhaps have had some sort of relationship ending life event of their own.  Or they have moved on with new friendships.

What can be done.

First, be thankful and grateful of those that have stayed with you and offered grace about your situation.  Take note and be prepared to offer the same back!  Recognize the treasure you have in such relationships.  And don’t forget to express your appreciation for them.

Second, give an honest assessment of your abilities to nurture a friendship, keeping in mind your energy levels and other commitments.  Reasonable expectations help to keep stress and anxiety better controlled.  It is also showing respect to the friend.  It gets stressful making plans and then having to cancel because of fatigue or pain.

Third, remember the *FRESH* strategy to care for yourself so you can enjoy the good stuff that comes with a relationship.  It is a process to learn just how much you can do.  There will be some hiccups along the way.  Learn from them!

Fourth, seek out social situations that give some latitude to your health issues.  I’m talking about involving yourself in a group or circle that understands you can’t always predict how well you will feel, so if you need to bow out at the last minute it is A-OKAY!

On this note I want to share that the Arthritis Foundation has started a bold initiative to better the lives of those of us with arthritis.  One way they are doing this is to have support groups across the nation entitled LIVE YES! CONNECT groups.  I am starting one in the LaCrosse, Wisconsin area.

These groups will meet at least 4 times a year with the opportunity to connect with other people that have arthritis of every kind.  The social connection will include educational discussions and programs, learning about research being done, and sharing conversation and laughter.

A diagnosis like RA is indeed a life changing event.  I have to say my relationships are deeper since my diagnosis because I do not take any of them for granted and it takes more planning to cultivate and nurture them.

Why this matters.

Relationships are so important to bring joy and meaning to our lives.  They have been shown to improve outcomes for our health and wellbeing.  Although not every relationship survives RA,  it is worth the time and effort to seek out and nurture social connections even though we don’t have as much energy as we did before RA.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas and suggestions about this important topic!

XXOO  Cathy

Photo credit: simon-maage at Unsplash

 

 

 

5 Reasons to Love the Local Farmers Market

Fresh leeks and carrots are examples of produce at a farmers market

Homegrown leeks and carrots from the local farmers market inspire my meal planning for the coming week!

5 Reasons to Love the Local Farmers Market

Saturday was the epitome of easy-going summer fun that included a trip to the local farmers market.  I was visiting my girlfriend and we had until dinner time to do what we wanted.  After leisurely sipping our morning joe while catching up on our chit-chat, it was time to find out what was going on around town.  Her daughter raved about the flowers at the farmers market, which was like a magnet for both of us to go check it out!

In addition to fresh flowers, I was excited to see what homegrown produce I would find to jump start my meal planning for the coming week.  The farmers market always inspires me to cook with variety and try new combinations of flavors.

Stopping by the local farmers market shouts SUMMER FUN and I will give you 5 reasons to love them!  

  1. The Social Aspect.  It was so relaxing to share conversation and the experience with my friend and chat with the vendors.  A few musicians were playing blue grass music making the atmosphere happy and fun.  It’s all good for the soul!
  2. Movement.  Strolling from stand to stand is keeping the body in motion!  It’s great to move around and breathe in fresh air.
  3. The Flowers.  The bouquets were so vibrant and gorgeous!  What a great way to bring some major cheer home!
  4. Homemade Baked Goods and Canned Creations.  Artisan breads, jams, jellies, and other canned goods reminding me of my mother’s and grandmother’s cooking are always a treat.
  5. Fresh Produce.  Garden fresh and in season.  Truly farm to table opportunity!  Gathering my choices of produce and filling my basket feels so wholesome.  It makes cooking and meal planning more interesting.

So my choices to fill the basket were zucchini and yellow summer squash, leeks, yellow carrots and shallots. I sautéed the squash with onions twice this week, the yellow carrots were added to orange carrots, onions and potatoes with a roast for Sunday dinner, the shallots will go into a vinaigrette, and the leeks will be added to my husband’s fresh potatoes to make potato leek soup!  What is there not to love about the local farmers market!

Why This Matters:

The socialization, the visual beauty of the gorgeous flowers and keeping the body in motion are all important for a healthy well-being.  It checks several boxes of the *FRESH* Approach to managing my autoimmune disease.  Reduction of stress, Exercise, and even getting fresh air to help to get better Sleep.  But, I’m going to focus on the F, or food to eat.

Instead of attempting to follow a highly restrictive anti-inflammatory diet when I was feeling the symptoms of RA, but not yet diagnosed, I kept it simple by avoiding processed foods and limiting added salt and sugar.  I was too sick to research recipes to make the diet actually edible.  And was I shocked when I started reading labels to find all sorts of not-so-healthy additives in marketed healthy foods!

My dietary goals have evolved to include trying to feed a healthy microbiome and to help the liver and kidneys to eliminate toxins.  The microbiome is the gazillion good bacteria in our system that are necessary for digestion so our body can utilize nutrients to keep us going!  It is also has a hand in the health of our immune system.

The whole foods I get at the local farmers market are sources of nutrients that promote the good health I need to help my body deal with the rheumatoid arthritis (RA).  I’m talking about the fiber, vitamins, antioxidants, and other micronutrients that allow my body to function so much better by supplying the fuel needed.  So, a variety of fruits and vegetables along with keeping it colorful, literally, is the rule.

There is something fun about selecting my favorite produce at the local farmers market, then planning my meals for the coming week based on those selections.  An element of surprise always keeps things interesting!

So take the time this week to visit the local farmers market and enjoy how flavorful the produce is!  Avoiding preservatives and limiting added salt and sugar is make easy.  And if your body is anything like mine, it will tell you how much it appreciates the goodness of the nutrients.  I always feel the benefits of cooking with whole foods.  I wish the same for you!

And that is using Arthritis Wisdom!

XXOO Cathy

Photo Credit:  Peter Wendt of Unsplash

 

 

Making Infusion Day An Anticipated Daytrip

Daytrip highlight is having lunch together

Lunch, preferably outside at a fun and tasty restaurant, is the highlight of the daytrip!

Making Infusion Day An Anticipated Daytrip

Infusion Day made into an anticipated daytrip happened when my dear friend’s husband needed to travel to a city nearly 2 hours away for his biologic dose.  Really, this is a story of a need, a little creativity, and a whole lot of love.

The Need is Infusion Day

Let me introduce you to my dear friend, Renata.  She has a heart for other people and is a natural problem solver.  She kicked into high gear when her husband was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, an autoimmune disease affecting the spine.  His back was sore, he was fatigued and just didn’t feel well.  Does that sound familiar?   Renata wanted to do whatever she could to make the situation better.

She became her husband’s healthcare advocate.  Who couldn’t use a good champion for the cause.  And one with energy to top it off!  She researched healthcare in the region, networking with others in the area, then helping her husband weigh pros and cons of the different options before making any decision.

They ultimately decided to drive an hour and 45 minutes each way to see a rheumatologist.  It turned out to be an excellent choice.  But it requires being on the road 3 and a half hours each time he has an appointment.  When working and having other responsibilities, that not-so-small detail needs to be carefully considered.

In the end, her husband has been prescribed a biologic that is infused over four hours every 4 weeks.  Hey, it is working so all is good!  So, Infusion Day has become the need (and a solution!).

Now the infusion isn’t perfect.  How many of us can relate to that!  The medication starts wearing off the 4th week, but 3 weeks of relief is a good thing.

A Little Creativity to make Infusion Day special

Infusion Day, an anticipated daytrip was born.  With a little imagination and creativity, they capitalized on taking in how beautiful the countryside was.  The road trip is an opportunity to enjoy the change of seasons and see familiar landmarks, such as the cattle ranch and interesting buildings.  It’s become a comforting jaunt.

While her husband is getting his infusion, she runs errands such as going to a grocery store to get things she can’t get in her hometown.  She puts frozen water bottles in a cooler, so she can purchase anything she wants and it will make it home just fine.  This means a lot to her and is another happy point to the trip.

A Whole Lot of Love 

Next, Renata thought of how she could jazz up the day to make it one to look forward to, a way to convey a whole lot of love.  Knowing the infusion makes her husband feel much better is enough to make the outing a special one.  But, she wanted to do more to make it a time they would look forward to.

So, to make this trip really special, Renata dresses up for a nice lunch they share after the infusion, preferably outside!  It has become a date!

Oh, by the way, no cell phones.  This is time carved out for each other!

 

As Renata has shared about these monthly trips, I have been struck by how they have turned what was thought to be a burden into a beautiful time together.  It is so sweet to hear the love in her voice as she tells me about their trip.

This has inspired me to look for ways that I can make the necessary parts of caring for my rheumatoid arthritis (RA) more pleasant and enjoyable.  Something as simple as treating myself with a latte after my blood draw for routine labs.  Some call this self care.  I’m all about it.

This is a way to alleviate some of the stress inherent in having to keep appointments and tending to an autoimmune disease.  This addresses the R in my *FRESH* approach to self care.

Renata saw the need, her husbands biologic infusion about two hours from home.  Then she got creative as to how she could help make it more pleasant, and added a whole lot of love to make it a special time they could look forward to instead of dreading.

How do you use a little creativity to better meet a need caring for your autoimmune disease?  Leave a comment below!

And that is using Arthritis Wisdom.

XXOO Cathy

photo credit:  Sandra Frey at Unsplash